Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in poundcake2023's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, October 21st, 2007
9:52 pm	..hh..shh Its kinda hard to hope for the best when your family tells you to forget it. I love them. But i think im going to leave soon. I need distance. And bacon. But mostly distance. Current Mood: restless (Comment on this)
Friday, September 7th, 2007
12:58 am	hmm Well I definately conclude these last two days have been very stressful and tiring, but today was the worst. I should have stayed in bed and just not faced the world. well, hopefully tommorrow will be better........hopefully... Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
11:33 pm	WTF?!!!! I went and had dinner with adri! 0_o And I actually enjoyed it! 0_o !!!!!!!!! WTF?!!!!! She randomly showed up at work and wanted to talk so we went to ihop and caught up on all the stuff thats happened. Its so weird because i feel so uneasy around her, but a small part of me was still oddly attracted to her, but in the same way a moth is attracted to a bug zapper. ow. I still dont think i could forgive for what happened, but it was nice to just catch up. and now i have no idea what the hell just happened. I think i need a drink.... Current Mood: confused (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 27th, 2007
4:47 pm	say what? LIFE= At work: My manager secrately dances to abba in the back at work. I caught her doing it the other day. At school: Self paced classes are a false advertisement. You show up when you feel like it when they tell you too. Life in general: Some poeple are so stupid, listening to them talk makes me have to poop. ;P Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 19th, 2007
7:42 pm	so to conclude..... BLack people dont really fly at night. But they Do dissapear. My hypothesis is that they dissapear to some kind of discount store. Because in the morning when they reappear, they have more stuff in their house than when they had the night before. Mexicans dont go to church to pray. Its all a lie. We are secreatly meeting to take over the internet. yes. the internet. WWB = World Wide Beaner. hahahahahaha! you cant stop us! Current Mood: crazy (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
9:09 pm	*sigh* well she's gone now. that was nice while it lasted. wish it would have ended diffrently. back to being a hermit now. Current Mood: blank (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 28th, 2007
1:48 pm	another day... hmm, another day goes by...... still no word from brandy or adrian. They seemed to have dissapeared. Thought up a plan, since they wont anserw their phones, im just going to have to find them. I know where they live..... Bwu-hahahahaha. Not much has changed. I got the romm somewhat straighten up. Dont miss my bro anymore, weird, it just went away. Bought a PSP the other day hellz ya. 169.99 for the actual PSP, 30.00 for a 2 gig memory stick and 20.00 for a media packet that had the case, USB cable, media software, headphones, the shit. Down loaded my whole music library in it and put a couple movies in their. Im surprised what 2 gigs can hold...but im going to wait till they go on sale again, or until the 4 gig comes out. For now I will settle for getting the wi-fi adapter so I can surf the net on it. Or hook it up to a car steroe and play that. Ipod eat your heart out. Bitch. lol. Damn my parents are right about one thing though. I dont know if it is my brother leaving, my car baing sold, the fact that I have no TV, I clean my room to entertain myself or the fact that now I can only afford one class at pima but, I have gotten increasingly short tempered and rude. I though they where full of it, but no. I guess its just years worth of frustrations with them and everything just bursting out. Hell I wouldnt want to be around me anymore either...... Current Mood: complacent (Comment on this)
Monday, June 11th, 2007
10:33 pm	2 more my my my so much shit has happened. I should update this crap more often so I wont get writers cramp. Lets see, havent my woman in a week and she wont call me. So i guess she is getting to that point where she wants to start growing apert so it wont be so difficult when she leaves pretty soon. Damn you fate. My parents got two new cars. A Camry and a corrolla. The camry for my mom and the corolla for my bro. That basterd. He said he wouldnt sell the taurus cause he was going to give it to me. And he put it up as a trade in for a down payment. So now i have to put in alot of money a month for that car cause well, she doesnt work. So they gave my bro a car, my sis too. And to add insult to injury, I was excluded in the insurance policy so I cant drive neither. Fuck. My bro moved out yesterday. I must say it has been a change. When you are use to sharing a room and personal space with someone for all your life and then find yourself alone one day......it has left me down hearted no doubt. No one seems to able to hang out as much, and some people dont bother returning calls. I dont think I have ever felt this lonely before, Its not that no one is there its just.........I feel like others are pushing me away, even though I wont give them up with out a fight. And this buisness with the cars and my bro leaving just has me burnt out. I look around now and the only thing left in this room is a desk, computer, a rickety old bed, parts of a closet, and the remains of an old bunk bed we used as a shelf. I really miss him. alot. Having nothing to distract you really sucks, cause it lets you think alot. I really need ..... i dont know. I wish I had a car so that I could see people I guess, but just cause I could see them, would they want to see me? thats alot a shit. well, I think its time to stop now. Current Mood: lonely (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 4th, 2007
11:26 pm	*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ* So yea, after today, I got my anserw. Im in love with someone who seems to share the sentiment, but the knowledge that she will soon move away and getting closer will only make it that much more difficult to leave. She will keep up a wall and keep me out. That is why she seems so far. But then for a second, she drops and and thinks maye........ I swear to god I think the universe is conspiring agaisnt me. I finally find someone who shares deeper feelings and they are on the verge of moving away. Possibly for ever. Im not allowed to be loved. =( So unfair. Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 3rd, 2007
9:08 pm	damn it! Im tired of the situation I was born into. I quit this shit hole. Someone hit me with their car now please. Today. Would be nice. yup. Current Mood: frustrated (Comment on this)
Friday, May 4th, 2007
10:26 pm	simmer the pot of my thoughs. I need to relax. In need to stop letting my insides get to me so much. And I need to stop letting these petty emotions make me act so irrational. So today, I woke up and I could not eat. Anytime someone offer me food I felt sick and couldnt eat. then I remembered why. I had a dream last night where i was walking down a street and I got hit by a car. I remember the car hitting a bump, turning over and the bent bumper striking me on the side, pinning me to the ground for a moment then lifting off and crashing into a tree. I actually felt the pain. And when I looked down I saw that my side and stomach had been ripped away and all my guts where hanging out. I held bloody pieces of myself and what looked like an intestine in my hand. All the while feeling the pain. When I woke up, I checked myself to see if I was still in one piece. God damn I was so freaked out, it felt really real. I have never been scared by a dream so bad.... All this week. I never know how to feel anymore, happy, sad, jealousy, joy, despair, hope. I go through each one every day. Is that what a relationship is like? Either way this one is tough to decipher. The way this started out is her being a little too amorous. A little flirty. I responded. She got direct and so did I. I told here I liked her, she told me she liked me too. I got serious for a few days cause I didnt quite know what had happened or what to do. She seemed distant. Then She told me I needed to open up. I did. I was myself again. I asked her if she still had feelings for me and she said yes, but she was hesitant because she was planning to move back home. Way the fuck up state. Chances are, i would never see her again. We where quiet. Then I went to her as I was and we where like we use too. She seemed distant for a time, then we went to gates pass at midnight and looked at the stars. At the top of the shack. We held hands for the first time. I almost let a tear slip because it was the most perfect moment of my life. Then the next few days she seemed distant. She seemed to play around with our closer friends alot, but always came back to me, maybe to say "I havent forgotten you". I decided to go visit her, we double dated with andy and taylor, then I went to her house. She showed me around and we eventually decided to watch a movie. The whole time we sat of her couch she wrapped herself in her blanket. She seemed close but so far away. Anytime I tried to rest my head on her or let her do otherwise she stayed stiff. At the end of the night, it felt like I was an inconviniance. These last couple of days I dont quite know what to make of it all. I went dress shopping with her afterschool, it was fun, but it was just so confusing, half the time she seems like she is happy to be with me, but then at the sametime its like she could care less that im there. Anytime someone asked her when she was moving her anserw seemed to change. First it was in a few weeks. Then when this semester is over. then pretty soon. now its like I dont know but im going too. Is she putting it off just cause, or is she just so conflicted that she is probably going what the fuck? I just dont know. Anytime we are together she seems like she wants be to get closer and push me away all at once. I wonder, if you decided you wanted to move and had only a few weeks here, would you tell someone you like them? would you look around to see what you could get done before you go? She could have said no that day and leave it at that. She could have lied and save us both the heart ache. But she said yes. And still she came closer. Then she said she was planning to move. why? just to play with someones heart for the hell of it? no. I refuse to beliave that. What I felt from her seemed to real. I came to the conclusion that....she is just a person. like me. Who incidentally found out they care for someone when it was just not good for them. She probably is as conflicted about all this as I am. Maybe thats why she seems so unsure about leaving. Or maybe im just fooling myself again. But Its gotten to the point where I just want to be with her. Sooner or later I might have to sever that and turn the other cheek. but dammit, I dont wanna. Why does this have to be so complicated. Well, im suppose to see her again tommorrow, but thats already getting complicated. we shall see. hmm, I dont usually write entries this long. But I had to get this out because its eating me up inside. I usually talk to my wall about this, but he's like "fuck you, im tired of hearing your crap shit stain". Fuck you wall. Current Mood: confused (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007
1:03 pm	Reutrn of the cake. Hello peoples. So it has been a few weeks of hard reprogramming and virus fighting but I have managed to salvage my old profile. And I am back. Go dammi, alot has gone on since then, but I m to lazy to write about it all. So i shall do it peice by piece. My main thing so far has been work, school and trying to make a relationship work. Damn. Those are hard. Like stale gingerbread men kajiggers. But so far its been a battle. But one im happy to fight. We are getting more people at checkers. So its not so bad anymore. Taking ASE classes and saving up for that damn car I should have had a long time ago. thank you non working parents. (god bless them though) If you have comments let me know. Cause I cant member stuff to well. Anywho, take care for now. Midget sex. Thats funny. Techni-color midgets. hahahahha. Current Mood: calm (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 7th, 2007
11:21 pm	***** good night moon.... Current Mood: hopeful (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 6th, 2007
12:30 am	T_T Id never though id write something this personal, but what the fuck. I dont care what anyone thinks. I havent hung out with andrew or my other friends for a while and I planned something for tonight. But a friend of mine who has had serious life problems called me to go see her. So I cancelled and went to see her. She was fucking drunk of her ass and having a party at her tiny ass apartment. I though when she called me to go see her it would just be her and me. nope. She was with a buch of shit heads getting drunk and smoking god knows what. The place was basically the definition of a heathens paradise. It was heart breaking seeing her like this. She showed so much promise in high school. She was so smart. And now she lives in a tiny apartment by herself doing all this shit while sleeping with any dick that happens to be walking by. So I stuck around and made sure she didnt freeze to death outside or get alcohol poisoning. When she threw up and felt better, I decided to leave her with her friend who was still sober and could take care of her. Before she left she told me something thats eating away at me and wont let me go. She told me that when we where still in high school (back when she showed promise and was living a relatively clean life) she had a crush on me. More than a crush, I guess, she really liked me. At the time I liked her too and though about asking her out, but though that if something happened we wouldnt be able to look each other in the face anymore, and I didnt want that. She though the same, more so that she really wanted to ask me out but was too shy. Instead she asked out this guy whom got her in the habit of drinking. From there, it got worse, she dated guy after guy and each one intoduced something worse. oh fuck. I could have stopped that from happening. But I didnt. Maybe i would have made a diffrence. Maybe It wouldnt have mattered. But that maybe is what isnt letting me sleep now. why? why is it that everytime I have an interest in someone, something bad always happens? I either show to much love or not enough. And either way I get hurt, or worse, I hurt someone else. I think im doomed to live this pattern the rest of my life. I guess thats why ive been so short tempered with alot of people. Or seemed to ignore others. I just know that anything I do is just not going to work..... athena, if you read this im sorry. Im sorry if I hurt you. There. Say what you will. I dont care. Current Mood: confused (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 28th, 2007
12:31 am	*grr* On second though Im wrong. She doesnt belong in my head. Fuck man that is some shit. I think that guy was right, women will be the end of me. Or atleast the ones I run into. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 27th, 2007
12:49 am	maybe not the best thing.... Its been a hard week and i guess getting shit faced with andrew was called for. Dear lord i feel like im swerving in my seat.... Now that i have time to contemplate things, I find it weird that she's on my mind again. Maybe its the drunkeness talking but she has dug herself a good hole in my head and i cant get her out agin. Well, maybe it was just a matter of time.... Current Mood: nauseated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 21st, 2007
12:06 am	huh? Okay. I think I will just keep my phone off all day so the crazy people cant find me.... Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 20th, 2007
11:26 am	so then k. so last night and today was some crazy shit. This ghetto looking guy came in looking for an ignition control module. He's on the phone talking to someone and although im kinda rushing things cause I have 5 other customers to help, I walked him through the options and showed him the part before I sold it to him. He comes back with another guy and the new guy tells me I sold him the wrong part. I told him I sold him the part he asked for and I showed it to him. Then he says the guy who bought it for him has no idea what it looked like in the first place. Then why the fuck would you send this jackass to buy it for you in the first place. Well he wants to return it but we cant. The part was clean when I sold it to him and he bought it back dirty. He had obviously tried to install it despite the fact the correct part looked compleately diffrent. So we argued till they left cause I cant refund a part thats been installed. I though they would comeback with a pair of 9's to shoot me. Nope. They send their mom over to get us to give them a refund. I talked the situation over to the manager and as soon as she talks to him she goes off telling him how it was my fault they got the wrong part. We did a warranty exchange to get them the hell out. Buch of pussies. I got several messages from people confronting me that I dont talk to them or message them or anserw their calls. *cough*eran*cough* to name a few. Well the reason I dont is plain and simple. I dont fucking feel like it thats why bitch. I stopped going on myspace and shit cause im so tired of people whining about how no one talks to them and your not my friend cause i dont hear from you. seriousy go to hell. Well its not all bad, just cause you dont hear from me doesnt mean ive forgotten you. It means cut me some slack cause ill still hang out with you. Current Mood: blank (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 19th, 2007
11:21 pm	negrocities. I met the stores new driver. A stuck up black hoe named T.J. He actually had the nerve to say andrew was gay. And not in the playfull way we all do but in the serious way nobody likes. So I naturally defended andrews honor and asked him, "why are you so homo-phobic? are you a in the closet fag or nomas maricon?". I knew he could only anserw that with a what. So i said "I didnt hear a no....." He shut up after that. Punk ass bitch thinks he can talk shit about my hoe and get away with it....... motherfucker got PWNED! Current Mood: satisfied (Comment on this)
Monday, January 15th, 2007
4:33 pm	hella hoe I think I will stay at my job afterall. It just finished all of my training course classes and finished the first part of my learn while you earn exam. I guess I pick stuff up faster than I though.Even though ive been working there for only a couple a months, it feels like ive been there all my life. While the customers do make the job a whole lot harder sometimes, its happening with less frequency now that I know what to do. The other day i showed up to take the tests and the whole time we all kept taking shots at each other, it was soo funny. I never though id find a job where you can tell your boos "FUCK YOU!" or "Butt fucked your wife last night!" with out getting fired. I owe you alot andrew. School is coming up tommorrow. I dont feel any excitement or nothing at all to see everyone again. Its like lately my mind is content with what I have for now. I know ive robably seemed to have ignored quite a few people but aside from computer problems, there has just been to much happening. I hope everything here calms down soon. Adrians feeling better, im glad I could help him. I actually look foward to juggleing school and a job again, it keeps me busy. Need more coffee, so I guess ill get off my ass and brew me a pot now. Current Mood: busy (Comment on this)